Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
