I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
