At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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