Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Randomize