So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
