I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
