Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
