man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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