i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
did i just pee glitter
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
