i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
