I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize