I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
