the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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