Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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