He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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