once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize