Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
