uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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