she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
