and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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