He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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