My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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