remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
