i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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