what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
