6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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