She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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