They should really pass out barf bags in church
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize