Don't you send me to vm
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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