He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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