you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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