yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
