Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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