Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
