Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
