9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
