Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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