Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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