I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
