She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
