I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
