A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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