Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So much Jack, so little girl.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
