Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
