You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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