when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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