the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
