After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
