At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
