she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
