We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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