Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
