I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
