did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
