My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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