thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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