Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
