a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
