no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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