i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
