4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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