Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
