i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
