thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
