I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
