i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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