I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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