There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
