I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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