just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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